PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

15 CENTS EACH 

p 

CBANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; V^ hours 8 

GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 

CHEERFUL COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 

LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; 1M hours 6 

MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

ROMANCE OE PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; 1J4 hours 4 

SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 

OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 

SWEET FAMILY. 1 Act; 1 hour 8 

BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 30 

PRINCESS KIKU. (35 cents) 13 

RAINBOW KIMONA. (25 cents.) 2 Acts; 1^ hours 9 

MERRY OLD MAIDS. (25 cents.) Motion Song 11 

PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY 

J5 CENTS EACH 

M 

APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 30 minutes 3 

BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes 6 

DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

WANTED, A M AH ATM A. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 

MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour 9 

MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7 

NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. lAct; 30 minutes 5 

WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. ^ 1 &tf ; 1 hour 12 

PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 

HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 

CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours... 28 

DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 

GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 

RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; 1}4 hours 24 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



THE COON AND THE 
CHINK 

A Vaudeville Sketch in One Act 



By WALTER CARTER 



Copyright, 1912, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 ANN STREET 



THE COON AND THE 
CHINK 



CHARACTERS 

Coon. — A tall, lanky, ignorant and unpolished negro. 
Makeup, comedy black-face. Costume. — Short trousers 
and coat with short sleeves, crushed silk hat, worn out 
shoes, long white cloth gloves, white socks, dress shirt, 
exaggerated high collar, and big soft carelessly tied 
bow-tie. 

Chink. — A short, thin, middle-aged Chinaman. Very stupid 
and ignorant in disposition. Makeup, typical close 
shaven wig with queue. Costume. — Typical Chinese 
coat, trousers and slippers, coat of plain bright colored 
material, trousers dark satin. 

Time of Playing. — About 30 minutes. 



INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 

An apple, small alarm clock and fob. Bowl supposed 
to contain chop-suey and chop-sticks; flat-iron, flask, set 
of false teeth, hair pin, and package containing shirt bosom 
and a pair of ragged white socks. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audience. 
r means right hand; l. left hand; c. center; d. l. door 
left; d. r. door right, up, means toward back of stage; 
down, toward footlights. 



TMP92-0C8571 

®CI.D 30400 



THE COON AND THE 
CHINK 



Scene. — A plain interior. Doors k. and l. ENTER 
Chink followed by Coon who has lost his laundry 
ticket and is trying to induce the Chinaman to give him 
his laundry. Coon is eating an apple as he enters. 

Chink. No tickie — no laundry. 

Coon. You know who I am, John. 

Chink. You gottie tickie? 

Coon. I told you I done lost de ticket. 

Chink. You no gottie tickie you no gettie laundry. 

Coon. Look here, John. I have a engagement for a 
ball to-night. I come to get my laundry and I don't 
want any fussing over it, understand? 

Chink. How me finie without tickie? 

Coon. I don't care nuthin' bout how you find it — only 
find it. 

Chink. You comie in Wednesday. 

Coon. I believe I already informed you I was goin' to 
a ball to-night, didn't I? 

Chink. You fall? 

Coon. Me fall. No, but you will if you don't get busy 
soon. 

Chink. You gottie tickie? 

Coon (rolling up fist). Look here, John, you mention 
de word ticket to me again and I'm gwana wrap dis 
around yo' roof, understand? 

Chink. Watie name? 

Coon. Jackson. Pete Jackson, you know me. 

Chink. Jackson? 



6 The Coon and the Chink 

large hair-pin from bowl) Dis'll just do for my wife. (Stirs 
chop-suey about with one of the sticks) 

Chink. What you looking for? 

Coon. Trying to see if I can find me a good jack-knife, 
I lost de other one I had. 

Chink. Givie me, me makie some more. 

Coon. No, suh, I resolves to manufacture de next dose 
myself. Where bouts you keep de chicken? [EXIT l. 

(Chink sings any convenient song.) 

ENTER Coon l. in high spirits with whiskey flask in 
hand. 

Coon. I have a proposition to make to you, John. 

Chink. What that? 

Coon. Why, you and me to go on the stage. 

Chink. On stage? 

Coon. Perzackley, easy as pie, you see I have a brother 
who knows a man who am acquainted wif de janitor of de 
Metra-prop-olitan Opera House and as we are liable to 
get hired mos' any time now I have resolved to practice 
you up while we possess de time. To start wif we will 
receive $200 per. 

Chink. What you mean by 200 dolla per? 

Coon. Why 200 dollars per, means perhaps we get 
more dan dat. It all depends on de execution, by execu- 
tion we mean de — what you might call de — it — well you 
wouldn't comprehend what I means anyhow consequently 
it would be useless fo' me to definition it to you. 

Chink. What you play? 

Coon. Me? Why I'm Shakespeare, I would go fro' de 
motions of de play for you John but I feel too dizzy. Hey! 
Come back here, how do you suppose I can talk — there — 
that's better. Look over there John, don't you see some- 
thing — what resembles a sea serpent? Ain't he beautiful 
and all de til' sea-serpents and here comes a purple croco- 
dile wif golden wings and three tails, now he's grinning 
at me. Look out John! 

Chink. Where? 

Coon. What! You mean to tell me you don't see that 



The Coon and the Chink 7 

crocodile. (Chink turns to observe crocodile. Coon raises 
flask to lips as if to take a swallow and sneezes over the mouth 
so as to cause sound from bottle) 

Chink. What that? 

Coon. That. Why that's the Manager of de Opera 
house. (Turns R. to talk with imaginary person) How de 
do Mr. Manager. Come in, have a seat, fine day ain't 
it? Let me take your hat. What's dat? Sure we'll work 
for you, $12,000 for de act? Let me see— dat's $2,000 per 
night. Couldn't you make it $15,000, Mr. Manager? You 
see we's been put to considerable professional expendi- 
tures lately and besides I'll have to give my friend here 
a dollar or two (Turns to Chink) Wants to shake hands 
with you. (To manager) My friend Mr. Oleo Margarine 
(To Chink) Wants to know if you'll work for $3 per 
week? 

Chink (to imaginary manager). What you take me for? 

Coon (to Chink) Says he wouldn't take you for a gift. 
(To manager) Oh, yes, we'll be there all right. We'll 
rehearse right away. Good-bye Mr. Manager we are 
paralyzed to meet you. (Coon and Chink sing last 
number) 

CURTAIN 



Monologues 



MAN PROPOSES, BUT WOMAN DISPOSES, is cnu, 

A sprightly and emotional Monologue by Lawrence D. Fogg, in which a young lady, 
on her birthday, endeavors by the guidance of letters and gifts from her numerous 
admirers, to decide on one of them for a husband. Her criticisms are witty and 
amusing, but she fails to make any selection. Why ? — Because. 

CONFESSIONS OF A MALE FLIRT, is cents a monologue, 

by Lawrence D. Fogg, in which a bachelor, on the eve of his wedding, while burn- 
ing his love correspondence, recalls to mind some of the girls with whom he has been 
in love, with his hopes, his successes, and his disappointments. A strange medley of 
humor and heart-burnings, ending with a pathetic climax. Note — At the end, while 
the performer's head is buried in his hands, a procession may pass slowly by, repre- 
senting the girls he has been describing; similar in effect to the scenes in the 
"Reveries of a Bachelor." 

SHOW AT WILKIN'S HALL, Ike. 15 Cents. A comedy costume 
monologue for a lady, or gentleman in female costume, by Bertha M. Wilson. A 
*• Take-Off " on Delsarteans in 2 scenes ; the second can be given without the first< 
being complete in itself. A sure hit. 

WAKE AT 0'GRADVS, The. 15 cents. By William Sidnkv 
Hillyer. A monologue for an Irish character comedian. Runs 15 minutes. Besides 
the" wake," Mr. Dugan tells all about the christening at McGuire's. Especially 
recommended. 

CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN, A. 15. Cents. By William Sidney 
Hillyer. A character monologue for male comedian. Depicts the reminiscences 
and tribulations of " the palmy days " by one of " the old school." Runs about is 
minutes. Especially recommended. 



Vaudeville Sketches 

BERNSTEIN AND FIRESTEIN. 15 cents. A vaudeville sketch 
b Hebrew dialect for 2 male characters, by James F. Parsons. Time, about 15 
minutes. Exceedingly funny both in '-ldicrous topics, Sheeney hits and droll repartee • 
Concluding with thesong "Oh, My ! Von't We Make der Money !" for which the 
text and music are given. 

TWO WANDERING JEWS. 15 cents. A vaudeville sketch Jo 
Hebrew dialect, for 2 male characters, by Harry E. Shelland. Time, about 15 min« 
ttte*. Full of funny and catchy dialogue -nd -epartee, and ending with £ song. 

NEW CHAUFFEUR, The. IS cents. A vaudeville automobile skit, 
fori male characters, by Harry E. Shelland. Time, about 15 minutes. A Dutch 
brewer hires an ignorant Irishman for chauffeur. A terrible catastrophe and a racy 
dialogue in which Pat gets the better of the Dutchman. Just too funny and leading 
up to dialect minstrelsy. 

MULDOON AND THE NIGGER ; or, White and Black. 15 

Cents. A dialect vaudeville Sketch for two males, by H. E. Shelland. Muldoon, 
an Irish stage-manager, meets very suddenly Johnson, a darkey, whom he wished to 
engage as an actor in a Mephistopheles drama. After a lot of funny characteristic 
talk, they rehearse Johnson s part. After some ridiculous attempts at highfalutin 
tragedy, partly in very blank verse, Johnson collapses. They c*o^e with a song. 

MA'S NEW BOARDERS. :5 Geni». A farcical sketch in 1 act. by 
W. C. Parker. 4 male, 4 female characters. Mrs. Holdtight leaves her boarding* 
house in her daughter's charge. Prof. Alto-Gether calls a rehearsal of the village 
choir, but gives them the wrong address. The choir turn up at Mrs. H.'s and are 
•* i -*aken for new boarders. Then follows an uproarious series of incidents that end in 
.»-< Professor s round-up. Can be played " straight," or with specialties. Excellent 
for single or double quartette. No scenery required Time, 30 minutes. 




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MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

BY TIIE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 4 

E 1> WARDS, TIIE SPY. 5 Acts; 2)4 hours 10 4 

PUI.SONER OF ANDERSONVI1.LE. 4 Acts; 2J4 hours.. 10 4 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1^ hoars 9 6 

ISABEL, THE PEARL OP CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 3 

BETAVEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2J4 hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3Acts;2hours 6 

SQUIRE TIIOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2y 2 hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Acts;2hours 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; lhour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 




ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; V/ A hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 8 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. 



^§^$s$ss$^^§sssssss§«$$sss$$s§s^^$ss$$s$ss^ 




LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 





AN1 014 431 148 



25 CENTS EACH 



BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Acts;2hours 6 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 11 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 

COUNT OP NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2\i hours 9 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2\i hours... 8 

DELEGATES FEOM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours 6 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 

ESCAPED PROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2% hours 5 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2\& hours 5 

IN THE ABSENCE OP SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1J^ hours 4 

JAIL BIRD. 5 Acts; 2% hours 6 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 7 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2% hours 9 

MY UNCLE PROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2% hours 13 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 6 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 6 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2}4 hours 5 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2\& hours 7 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2% hours 4 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY PORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3Acts; 2^ hours 11 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 

MISS MOSHER OP COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2Y 2 hours .. .. 5 
STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 
CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2\i hours. 9 




DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



